The Day in the life of Tony Cliffe

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Tag: Writing

Who killed Mr Archer? Part Two: Locke & Edgecroft investigate

Mr Archer

Part: Two – Locke & Edgecroft investigate

The office phone downstairs awoke Private Detective Alec Locke from his broken sleep. He never slept particularly well and certainly not around the start of June. Those early weeks in June always left him with the nightmares of what happened two years ago. Rolling over the digital clock on his bedside table blinked 10.05 a.m. one of the only furnishings inside his bedroom. Detective Locke was certainly not one for unnecessary things. If it didn’t serve a purpose or wasn’t some sort of efficient benefit to his day then he had no need for it. He rolled back into his bed and rubbed his eyes cursing the person who decided to phone on a Saturday morning. It was the only day of the week he cherished his sleep in, especially lately. They can wait he mused. If it’s important they’ll leave a message. He strained his ears as the answering machine let out a voice “Alec, morning mate. Yes I know you can hear me. Get out of bed you lazy bastard and pick up the phone, you’re going to want to take this case. Call me…actually I’ll email it. Have a look yourself”.

A surge of curiosity rippled through him, if he’s phoning on a Saturday then this must be a good case indeed. It’s been a while. The voice belonged to D.I Daniel McBride, his old police partner. Before leaving the force two years ago to become a Private Detective, D.I McBride and Locke were the two best detectives in this part of the world. They both joined the police academy at the same time and instantly their friendship grew. They both came through the ranks together and both became detectives, their differing styles complementing each other well. There was no case that wasn’t solved and they both got results, no matter the cost. The police force allowed them to bend the rules until one day the rules were bent too far. After the events of two years ago D.I McBride was one of the only few in the police department who didn’t hold any animosity towards him. Despite the local police force resenting Alec Locke there was no doubt he got results and was incredibly effective in his job. He passed every analytical test they could throw at him and would be so effective at how he would throw himself into cases. So much that it cost him his job and his wife. After leaving the police force by mutual consent and taking the rap for what happened to save McBride’s job he set up Locke Investigation Services. Like his police work, Locke got results and despite being a single 38 year old, his P.I work was ticking along well and he considered himself a success. A quiet arrogance was part of his charm. The local police would often, albeit reluctantly, give cases to him to solve and to do things that the police couldn’t and it was always McBride, his old pal, who would come to him and as always they were the cases that seemed unsolvable. Of course, this relationship went both ways, Detective Locke could access files that no other P.I could and the police force still respected the man and would turn a blind eye to some of this more colourful techniques.

What is it going to be this time he pondered as he recalled the last case McBride had given him “the hangman” as he slowly walked into the shower. That case was a particularly interesting case of a murder on May Day of a local councilman. He was found hanged in a barn that was completely empty. Nothing but the empty ground and the bare walls. At first it was deemed suicide but there was no way that he could have got to the heights that he did with nothing in the barn. The time of death all suspects were at the May Day celebrations and were all accounted for and had cast Iron alibis. A clever trick of using ice as a platform was used to kill him. The perfect crime with no trace. Another crime solved and another person behind bars. That buzz of justice still fuelled him every morning as did the cheque of reward that helped things to tick over.

After showering and changing into his normal attire, smart jeans and a Tweed jacket, he skipped breakfast and went straight for his morning coffee. Nothing could ever be done effectively without it.

Ping

An email popped through to his mobile device that was charging on the kitchen island.

Subject: Who killed Mr Archer?

Hi Alec, I know you’ll be up by now. I have a case for you that you’re going to want to look into. I’ve attached the statements, photograph and some witness files. Early indicators point to an accidental drowning, toxicology is being run now but I have a feeling all is not as it seems. Police are pretty satisfied it was accidental death. I think otherwise but it’s out of my hands. I suggest you read yesterday’s paper page 28. Also, the wife is convinced he was murdered. She’ll pay you to investigate it. I’m still here but we’re finishing up and we’ll be gone by afternoon, I told her you’d help. All the suspects are here. Address is the Glenfield Estate. See you then.
McBride

With a sip of his morning coffee he eyed the folded up local paper that was propped up against a fruit bowl. The local paper consisted more of local adverts than any noteworthy news, although he always analysed the letters to the editor page for fun. He would read their letters, usually some complaint about yobs or bin collections however most were about the proposed move of the Glenfield site potentially leasing their land for a windfarm. When he read the letters he would profile the authors, give them an identity, what job they did, what they liked and disliked. He was always spot on and always congratulated himself every time he met one of them in this village. Not that he actively went seeking any of the villagers. He wasn’t one for socialising if he didn’t have to. He once spotted a coded message in the letters section between two names who exchanged messages weekly about the state of the local Bowling Green. To anyone else it was a man and a woman who held opposing views on a trivial matter. If you looked hard enough however it was secret messages between two people having an affair. He still chuckled at how despite technology, some were still hell bent on some cloak and dagger fooling around. Especially as the woman using a pseudonym he identified as the Mayors wife. He wondered how long it would be until that was the next big scandal to rock the town of Plumston. Well, maybe page 28 might be the next headline.

Glenfield opens its doors to the public

The Glenfield estate opens its doors this weekend to the public for a big fundraiser event for various local charities. The entire estate will be open for public viewing for the first time in its history. Explore its exquisite grounds and house. Fundraising events will take place in the evening. Mr Archer said “I know there has been a lot of opposition to the potential plans about allowing a wind farm on our land but let me remind you that is just one option. The Archer family feel that by putting on this event we can reconnect with the community and work towards reducing the growing conflict in the village”. The estate will open up from 11 a.m. this Saturday.

A man who accidentally drowns before a big event, that’s questionable. His wife who’s adamant that he was murdered, plausible.

As the last drop of bitter black coffee was swallowed he was concerned that the number of potential suspects could be large. He’d met Mr Archer at a few events, a suave well to do man who had the persona of looking down on people. Alec knew that look all too well. Money and status was the only thing that he ever seemed to care about. Alec had met his wife at one of the events, the complete opposite to him and he wondered how she even put up with him. He knew they had a son not that they’d ever met or that he’d ever seen, in the two years that Alec had lived here.  He’d drove past their large walled estate plenty of times but had never seen it, until today anyway.

Getting into his dark blue Volkswagen Passat estate he pulled out of his driveway and headed in the direction of the Glenfield estate but not before picking a passenger up on the way.  The in car phone began to dial the number under Eleanor Edgecroft.

A concerned voice filled the space in the car “He-Hello Alec?”

“What are your plans for today?” he was never good at small talk, especially when he was on a case.

“Good morning to you too boss, I’m fine thanks, how are you?” Eleanor’s voice was chirpy and laced with sarcasm. She was more than used to his direct approach and knew he needed her for something. She waited for a moment for his non response before answering his question “It’s my little niece’s birthday today. I’m going to the par-” she was cut off by him.

“Great so you’re free then! We have a case I’ll be there in ten minutes” and he hung up, driving through the small town to her apartment.

The sense of adventure began to swell within her but also anger at his complete disregard for any of her plans. Her mother kept telling her that he wasn’t a good boss and she should be treated with more respect and that she could find another job. Despite his arrogance and to the point attitude he was the best boss she had ever had in her 28 years on this earth. Once you knew his quirks he was an excellent mentor and fair and nowhere else would she get these skills, let alone practice them. She didn’t want any other job. She’d always felt a sense of justice as a kid, a clear right and wrong, good and bad. She always wanted to be a police officer until in her early teens she discovered the world of criminal psychology and so set a course for a career in that industry. After a degree in Forensic Science she spent a few years working in different labs and travelling before starting a masters degree in applied criminal psychology. By the age of 26 she worked for a law firm before starting a PhD at the age of 27. She moved universities and moved to the area and was looking for some extra work to pay the bills when fortunately, a year into Locke Investigation Services an advert was placed for an Administrator. Alec had started to take more and more clients on from affairs, to missing people, to murders and was increasingly in need of another pair of hands to handle the paperwork. Eleanor saw it as an easy job to go for, file some papers, do some finances, deal with some clients then go home. A perfect job to help compliment the PhD. At the interview Alec was impressed and she was hired. It wasn’t before long that Alec noticed that she was wasted as an admin woman. She was incredibly quick at her job and whenever she wrote up interviews or case notes she would pass comment on what she thought. He quickly realised she held an excellent aptitude for detective work and started to involve her more and more in cases until eventually he saw her as a detective in the making, someone to train. He made it his mission to give her proper training so that she could for fill her unknown potential. Highly intelligent, thought outside of the box and was very much a people person. She could wangle her way into events and get information from people before they even realised they’d been probed for it. He saw her as a vital asset and it was nice to have another female around again in his life. He held a lot of respect for the young woman and he knew it wouldn’t be long before she would eventually leave for a top law firm or even to start her own. She certainly had the skills for that and he was pleased for her and equally impressed. Not that he gave her unwanted praise. He only praised her when it was needed, something she found annoying but when that praise did come, she knew it was earnt. He got a kick out of mentoring a new detective and she learnt from one of the best. The perfect mutual beneficial working partnership. Despite his flaws and she knew full well what happened two years after doing some detective work of her own. They had developed a solid friendly working relationship. Their differences complementing each other well.

He pulled up outside her ordinary one bedroom flat in the centre of the small town. It did its job for what she needed although he always passed comment on it. Her small petite figure slid into the car followed by her long locks of auburn hair.

“Where we off to then that stopped me from having a social life?” she shot a look across the car that could kill as she strapped herself in.

“How old is your Niece?” he enquired without a hint of remorse or any actual hint of caring for her answer.

“She turns one today” a large proud smile creased across her face.

“One!?”

“Errm yes…One!”

He laughed as he pulled out onto the street and started their journey through the country lanes to the Glenfield estate “A birthday party for a one year old? She’s not going to remember it! What’s the point?” he spat the words out in between laughs.

“Well I’d remember it! Plus we have this new technology called a camera which captures events, you know, so you can look back on them” she retorted.

“Really? I didn’t know that!” he could take as well as dish out sarcasm. Their back and forth he always saw as a mental sparring something he enjoyed, especially when someone was as good as him at it. “We’re off to the Glenfield estates, Mr Archer died. In the glovebox is an email from McBride and he’s included the first statements”.

“What did he die of?” she enquired as she fished the folder from the glove compartment, already her detective brain starting to get to work. Secretly she’d rather be spending the day doing detective work than go to a family party. She was more than fed up of the questions she would get from her Nan of why she was single at every family party. Alec spoke as she cast her eyes over the documents.

“Drowning apparently, pissed out of his skull they believe.”

“– and we’re going to this because?” more annoyance was present in her words. Called out from a family engagement to investigate a death of a self-entitled drunk man, not the usual cases she was used to working on.

“The wife, Catherine Archer is adamant that he was murdered by someone. The police are pretty content with accidental drowning. He was heavily intoxicated, took a bath and drowned. There are no marks on his body to indicate a struggle and no signs of foul play. According to his report all suspects had an alibi. Yet, McBride has a feeling it’s not all that it seems. He had a few enemies did Mr Archer.”

“And you suspect something is up too?”

“Well the wife is adamant that he was murdered and she’s paying for the investigation so it’s worth checking out.”

Before long they entered through the main gates of the Glenfield estate, the old house looming up in the distance along the gravelled road. Two police cars passed them on their way out as they snaked along the tree lined road. One car, a black unmarked BMW was parked in front of the house, the lions looking down as if protecting one of their cubs. A man appeared from the grand oak door as they approached, it was Detective McBride. No matter the weather he was always wearing his long beige coat and his tie always halfway down his chest. Alec always wondered why he even bothered to wear that thing at all.

“Alec, good to see you again” he held out a sincere hand as Alec stepped out of the car with a crunch of gravel under his feet. “How’ve you been?”

“Good to see you again Dan, not bad. How’s the kids?” The pair shared a strong handshake and a smile and Eleanor was amazed to see Alec so conversational. His question to him about how the kids were seemed genuine. So he can be normal. “So then, murder?” those short pleasantries were over and Alec was here to work.

McBride rubbed his hands over his stubble on his face “I think so. The wife is convinced anyway. Look Alec, you know the score. We’re chronically understaffed. Looks like an accident that’s good enough for us. I have a hunch but my hands are tied. I’ll send over the autopsy and the toxicology when I get it. Plus, if it is a murder I’m sure you’ll let me know.”

Alec knew full well the state of the force since his departure. He dreaded to think how many murders hadn’t been solved and just passed off as accidental deaths. That thought made a chill run up his back. If this was a murder he was going to go out of his way to prove it. “So the suspects then? What have you go for me?”

“They’re all in the reception room. The wife Catharine, Michael the son and Sarah the assistant. Time of Death looks to be around 8.30 to 9.30pm, Good luck!” the pair exchanged another handshake “we really need to stop meeting up at crime scenes Alec! If you need anything, call me.”

Alec and Eleanor watched as the black BMW drove off down the gravel lane leaving nothing but the distant hum of gravel on tires and a dust cloud. “Another case to solve. Let’s go” the excitement bubbling in Eleanor’s voice. The pair walked under the gaze of the lions above the door and entered the grand reception area of the house. A sprawling staircase greeted the both of them, the red worn carpet standing out against the dark wood panelled walls that were illuminated by antique gas lamps. The place had a sense of power, despite it being the home of the Archer’s this was unlike any home the pair had ever stepped foot into. To their left down a corridor muffled tears could be heard along with a woman’s voice. The pair followed in the direction of the noise until they came upon the reception room. The room was large, lined with books and a grand fireplace. Alec pondered how cosy it must feel in here on a cold dark winter’s stormy night. In front of him he got his first sight at his potential three main suspects. In the large arm chair was Catherine Archer, the wife. Her tears had made her make up run and her eyes were as red as the carpet on the staircase. She was well dressed in a designer green dress with a shawl, the gold jewellery glinting in the light. She was clutching a cup and saucer of tea that had long gone cold. Sitting on the arm of the chair was a young handsome slender man, Michael. Upon first inspection he didn’t seem too upset about his father dying. Both Alec and Eleanor had already made a mental note of that. On the far side of the room was a very pretty young blonde woman dressed in a pencil skirt and a white blouse, her glasses outlining her attractive features. She was quiet staring out of the window until she noticed the pair in the doorway. She was the first to spring up out of her seat and walk over to introduce herself to the pair.

She outstretched a well-manicured hand to the pair as Alec introduced himself “Detective Alec Locke and my associate Eleanor Edgecroft” he flashed his P.I badge at her not that she took any notice “we’re here to investigate the death of Mr Archer.”

“We’re very sorry for your loss” Eleanor interjected, trying to add a bit of humility into the situation.

“Thank you.” She was softly spoken and evidently still in shock at what had happened to Mr Archer. “I’m very sorry too, he was a good man. I’m Sarah…Sarah Rosedale”.

“Are you a family member?” Eleanor quizzed.

“I like to think I’m an honorary Archer but no I’m Mr Archer’s among many things on his estate, I’m primarily his assistant. My job is to help with the day to day running of things. But please – you need to talk to Catherine”.

She led the two towards his wife who was still sniffling into her cold tea. Her bloodshot eyes looked up at the pair “you need to find who killed my Husband. I don’t care what it costs. There was no way that was an accident.”

Locke took a seat on the small green leather couch in the centre of the room and pulled out his well-used notebook. Any major details or questions to follow up he would always make a note of. Eleanor slowly lowered herself down next to him after shutting the door. Now the investigation started.

“So, Mrs Archer…can you tell me where you were after 8.30pm last night?”

 

  • End of part two

Who killed Mr Archer? Part One: The murder of Mr Archer

 

Mr Archer

Part: One – The Murder of Mr Archer

The June warm sunshine cascaded over the grounds of the Glenfield estate in the heart of the Cotswolds. Surrounded by tall mighty Oak trees, horse paddocks and hectares of arable fields this idyllic English country estate could be traced back to the late 1700’s. After a fire had destroyed the main house in 1850 the estate was sold off to the Archer family for which it had remained ever since. Harold Archer restored the main grand house to its former glory in the late 1800’s with every stone in the long driveway to the Marble Lions that stood proudly above the main entrance door. The Archers had lived in this house ever since, passing it down from generation to generation to today’s owner, Mr George Archer.

“Are we all set my dear?” Mr Archer’s voice boomed over the rear courtyard as the multi-coloured buntings fluttered in the light breeze.

“Yes we are!” a chirpy voice replied with a beaming smile “It’s just what this place needs. Forget what everyone else thinks, it’s a great idea!” she finished her sentence as she poured a glass of champagne from a bottle that had been sitting on ice on one of the vintage tables that dotted around the courtyard, giving a delightful view of the manicured gardens and rolling hills beyond. She handed the glass to him with her ever present smile “This is for you Mr Archer”.

“I do love it when you call me that” he purred as he sipped on his champagne, the coolness of it a perfect tonic for the early evening heat. He weighed the glass in his hands with a small resigned sigh as a drop of condensation trickled down the glass “I wish everyone was as on board with this as you are Sarah. I see I received another less than happy letter today that you tried to keep hidden from me. Opening up this estate is what is needed to be done for this family.”

Her blonde flowing hair swayed behind her illuminated in the golden light as she placed a soft hand on his broad shoulder. She leaned in as she spoke delicately “It’ll go off without a hitch. I promise. Those death threats are just kids messing around. It’s nothing to worry about. I really think you should tell Catherine about them however, she deserves to know”.

“George! George!” a voice echoed behind the pair as they took a step away from each other. “There you are! Dinner is ready. Come along now you two!” the whirlwind of a woman to whose voice it belong to was Mrs Catherine Archer. The pair had been childhood sweethearts, got married at 18 and have lived together ever since, 39 years of marriage – a perfect model couple.

The pair made haste and walked through the house to the grand sitting room, the large glass windows allowed the setting suns light to pour in, the gold gilded picture frames of paintings of the English countryside sparkled as they took their seats around the oak dining room table.  There were four plates set for the evening meal, Mr Archer at the head of the table, Catherine his devoted wife to the left, an empty chair and plate to his right and Sarah the house maid. Well that was her official title not that anyone on the estate ever saw her as that. She had joined the estate 12 years ago as a young girl who despite her natural intelligence never got on with school. At 16 she left and became a cleaner at the estate before eventually becoming the woman who Mr Archer would eventually rely on to run the estate, his personal assistant. Well, run everything except the bills. That was always Mr Archer’s job. One of her first jobs on the estate besides her cleaning job to earn a little extra was to baby sit Michael, the Archer’s only son and the only male Archer left to carry on the family name. Something that Mr Archer was constantly anxious about. He cast a fore-long look in the direction of the empty plate as the house servers’ poured wine into their glasses, a deep red like the anger that was welling up inside of him.

“Where is that pathetic excuse of a son?” he demanded directing his question at nothing but his sons empty presence. He emptied his glass in one felled swoop as his wife looked down, in two minds. Dinner was served, Pheasant and roasted thyme with all the trimmings and a Rhubarb crumble for dessert. One of Mr Archer’s favourites. After all this was supposed to be a celebration, tomorrow was a big day for the estate. After idle chitchat and talk about tomorrows fund raiser and opening up the estate for the first time to the public, they had finished both courses and Mr Archer a few more glasses of wine. At the end of the meal as the servers were clearing away the plates, a young slender and well-dressed man appeared, his beige skinny fit chinos tucked into a pair of brown leather Chelsea boots, a smart polo shirt and a fitted blue blazer completing his look. “Shame I missed dinner” he snorted as he wandered into the room, an arrogant swagger backing up his words.

“You entitled little bastard!” his alcohol fuelled words spat out and echoed around the hall.

“George! Stop it!” his wife held out her hand across the table.

“Oh go on Father. Tell me something new that I haven’t heard before. Let me guess…I’m a shame to you or is it I’m the biggest disappointment of a son? That’s what you said to me this morning wasn’t it?” his words laced with sarcasm ticked the dial closer to explosion as Mr Archers fists slammed into the table as he stood up.

“You boy have no idea how much you do!”

“Whatever…Father” he shot a look in his direction before continuing “go on…have another drink. What is it? Your 20th one tonight?”

Catherine raised her voice “Michael, Enough!”

Sarah Rosedale pushed her chair back and spoke calmly, trying to defuse the tension that hung in the air. “Come on Michael. I have a job for you to do for tomorrow’s grand opening” she put an arm around him and walked him to the door. He shot one last look towards his father, the hatred clear to see.

Mr Archer took another glass of wine and finished that off without hesitation, a familiar sight that his wife had grown a costumed to lately. “Why don’t you go upstairs and relax, focus on tomorrow” her words laced with compassion.

“That son will be the death of me I tell you!” he pushed his chair back as he stood up “I don’t know where we went wrong Catherine. I’ll be in the study there are few admin things to sort out for tomorrow.”

“Good idea darling. I’ll do the staff meeting, you go and relax.” they shared an embrace before departing.

An hour had passed and one bottle of Whiskey had been emptied as Mr George Archer was slouched in his well-worn leather chair in his study. 10 prize winners for tomorrow’s event had just been licked and sealed and placed in his in tray for Sarah to pick up tomorrow. He shifted uneasily in his seat, the feeling of the whiskey taking over. There were three sharp knocks on the door as a wave of dizziness and drowsiness overcame him. The door opened to reveal a blurry figure as the room lurched from side to side, the alcohol was certainly more than he’d drank in a long time as it took effect. The stress of the fight, the death threats, what weighed on the outcome of tomorrow had all driven him over the edge. He could feel a hand lifting him up and a hand around his face but his eyes wouldn’t focus on the owner. The voice was distant and muffled by another sound, the sound of running water and then it went black.

In the middle of the night a blood curdling scream rippled through the Glenfield estate as Mrs Archer found her husband dead, under the water in the bath.

–          End of part One –

Life of a PhD student three months in.

So i’ve been a PhD student for three months now, so i thought i’d do a fun little blog about the trials and tribulations of gaining the hardest known academic qualification. Dr Awesome!

  1. So you’ve done your undergraduate degree, probably gone and got your Masters degree, maybe even worked as a research assistant for a few years. By this point its pretty clear you’re never leaving the education system so hey. Three year PhD, why not?
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  2. Even better when for the first time in your academic career people are paying you to be a student! Not only that, you’re now tax exempt on that money for three years! It’s basically a 22 grand job!
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  3. So you’re a student but you’re also staff. You’re a PhD researcher which means you get to use the staff room, have your own office and generally feel really cool walking around campus.
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  4. You have these big and bold ideas and you can’t wait to start! You’re the best in your field, you’ve made it through the gruelling application process. You can do it! Your research idea is going to change the world.
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  5. But your supervisory team are like…
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  6. You either get on great with your supervisor who will do absolutely anything to support you and build you up to be the best Dr ever. (luckily like mine!)
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    Or you can despise them or more likely they despise you, you’re an inconvenience and an embarrassment to the research empire
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  7.  So you start reading every journal, book, piece of information ever created in your chosen field. Your supervisors are telling you to look up theories, research paradigms, people keep saying big words and random french dudes names and you just sit there like
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  8. So you write a first draft of your lit review and your supervisor tries to be supportive
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    and you’re holding back tears as everything you’ve done gets ripped apart
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  9. But you realise you’re not alone, the other people in your lab/office have started the same time as you. You’re all in the same boat and through your mutual anguish of the PhD you all become friends and instantly feel like a PhD family.
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  10. You help each other out, keep each other motivated and before you know it, you’ve formed your own supergroup which will last for three years
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  11. More than likely your research idea will have to pass a boards approval before you can start. No one tells you how to fill the form out so you rely on other peoples information.
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  12. So you submit your forms and after a stupidly long time, they reject it outright. Not because its bad, it’s just they love to fuck with you and keep you in your place.
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  13. You make some changes which take far more time than they should and you get rejected again, expect this time their pointers are extremely vague which makes you question if they have actually read your report…Because it’s cool if you haven’t, i mean you didn’t just spend two weeks in a caffeine induced comma to write it or anything, no biggie.
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  14. By this time, you and your PhD office friends are so over this form. By this point you gather around to help each other. You can do this! We will do this! But we won’t let anyone else see how much its killing us.
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    You try to vent to your friends and family outside of the PhD life but they don’t understand as much as they try to.
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  15. So at this point you’ve done some work but you haven’t actually been approved for study yet because a committee of unknown evil people keep writing vague comments on your research report. No one in your office has passed yet. You’re all at the point of mental exhaustion and a lack of motivation.
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  16. You check your emails and it comes back again…

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  17. This is it. THE LAST TIME YOU A-HOLES|
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  18. IT’S FINALLY PASSED AND APPROVED. A committee has approved your study, your methods and basically you’re finally a PhD student.
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    And the rest of your office are pretty much approved too!
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  19. So now you can get on with sciencing the shit out of your research and take small steps on the way to becoming a Dr.
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  20. Then you realise its another three years of this. Better buckle up.
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    but you can do it! We can do it! As a PhD student, you wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Long time no blog! Leaving one home and finding another

Long time no blog

Hey guys! Long-time no blog right? It’s been a busy few months and certainly a hell of a lot has happened since my last blog which was my Canada part 2 blog. You can read both day one and two here Canada Trip Blog 1: The long trip west Canada Travels: Blog 2 – Airport escort and Toronto Islands. Now that I’ve finished for Christmas I promise I’ll finish that blog series off. I don’t want to rush them or do them half arsed because I want to do that trip justice! So expect a fair few blogs coming at the end of 2016, especially the standard year review blogs that I’ve done for the past few years. 2016 may have been a bad year for many and certainly if you’re a celebrity who was over 60 but for me it’s been a truly interesting and on the whole, a very positive year. I have some great moments to share from my 2016 review so watch this space.

“I loved the place, loved the people and loved the job”

So to fill you guys in on why its been such a void space of blogs in the past few months, I might as well begin with arriving back from Canada in May.

Those of you who follow my blogs and on social media know that April was a bit of a topsy turvy kind of month. I was excited, I needed in fact, that solo adventure away to Canada at the end of the month, but the news that my job post wasn’t going to be renewed due to budget cuts was a real downer. I’d worked as a student and staff in Chester for six years, I loved the place, loved the people and loved the job. So I was pretty bummed that it was going to be over. In the run up to going away to Canada I was in constant negotiations, in the end my terms weren’t met by senior management and it became a “thanks but no thanks” for what they offered me. Which was one day a week and half PhD fees paid for, which would have meant I’d actually lose money. As much as I loved Chester and working there, that’s pitiful for someone at Masters level and working as a Research Assistant on three high profile research projects. So, I made the decision to seek new pastures, which was both exciting and terrifying. I might aswell jumped off a cliff and hoped that half way down I’d sprout a pair of wings. It was a huge gamble.

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Me making that decision like…

During negotiations I really wanted to stay because I absolutely hate change, at least sudden change and I loved the place. Why move from a place of comfort for six years? However that’s when people like me have issues. We imbed ourselves in new places, give it our all, make new friends, build a team around us, and make improvements. We’re comfortable until we achieve everything we can achieve in a place and then you want to move on to do bigger and better things, there is always something new to achieve, another mountain to climb. I’m incredibly hard on myself as a person. There is always something to improve, always something to achieve. Rarely am I satisfied with an achievement if there is another one to get.

It was good that my contract was coming to an end because I’d achieved all I possible could there and I was starting to stagnate in my development. Got my BSc and went to parliament and BCUR with my research, successfully got my MSc, worked on three distinct and challenging research projects as lead research assistant, helped the department win Gold at the NUS green awards and even won the title of University of Chester’s 2016 outstanding academic support staff winner! There was literally nothing else to achieve. That award though I must add a caveat to as its one of my proudest moments this year, it was truly special. That was an award voted for by students, to be nominated was amazing, to win it was truly heart-warming. It’s great to know students felt so grateful for my help this year to recognise me for the award. There are hundreds of very special and dedicated staff who help students out every day, I was honoured to be the one to win. I’ll go into more depth in the 2016 review but I always said I’d give back to students as much as I could just like my old supervisor did for me. So thanks once again!

Just before I left for Canada a PhD came up which was almost written for me. It is funny how life and the universe has a habit of putting you in places that you didn’t think you’d be, but where you need to be. Life has a funny way of closing but opening doors if you work hard and build a door so that if opportunity comes along, it has a place to knock. If it wasn’t for Sara pushing me to apply for it and making me make that final step to seek new, greener grass I doubt I’d be where I am today, I might not have opened that door, so thanks works mum! I went ahead and applied, came back from Canada with a completely new outlook on things, totally relaxed, nailed the interview and got the post. Seriously it’s as over the moon as I have been in so long. It was like absolutely everything was riding on that interview. It’s one of those moments I know I’ll look back on as a major pivot point in my life, if it didn’t go my way, things would have been so much more different than they are now. That wait before going into that interview was the most pressure I’ve ever felt. Just imagine right now if you had an interview in five minutes and you knew the outcome of it would affect your life massively. Then imagine the self-doubt telling you, you’ve got one shot and not to fuck it up. Thankfully, I have a great, if not scary knack of being completely calm and emotionless in high pressured situations. I was probably the calmest I’ve been all year in that interview. I came out really happy and in the mind-set of if I don’t get it, then there isn’t anything I couldn’t have done any better. For instance, while practicing my presentation to the board which was meant to be 10 minutes, it was varying between 8 minutes to 12 minutes. On the day, 9 minutes 59 seconds! Boom.

They wanted me to start right away but I wanted to see out the remaining few months of my contract at Chester. Senior management was a clusterfuck but my department have been nothing but pure gold. The head of department tried absolutely everything to keep me and was so open to negotiations but they were having none of it. The whole team were a family, a vastly under resourced but amazing and dedicated family. I was so excited to start the PhD and that new adventure and challenge I craved but so gutted to say goodbye to Chester and team GID. Six years is a long time to be in once place.

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Team GID!

2010 I arrived there as a person I barely recognise looking back now. Six years has changed an awful lot within me for the better. Looking back on it now, it was kind of fitting how full circle it all felt when I finished my final day in the office. Back in 2010, I couldn’t wait to start University. I’d long since outgrown school, again achieved everything there was to achieve, even getting headboy and going to parliament to win the first ever national school speakers award. Never truly fitted in. Fed up of small minded people who didn’t see the bigger picture outside of school, more than fed up of bitching, backstabbing and immaturity at Maricourt. It wasn’t the case of big fish in a small pond, it was more the case of a normal fish being suffocated by toxic algae. So I started Uni as a young boy who desperately wanted to spread his wings and find himself and yearned for that new adventure. Boy, what an adventure it was. People who never went to Uni will never understand it. I’m not talking about the course content here but the journey you go through. Add to that love and heartbreak which you all know so well about from my blogs! Six years later i left as a man, who had his adventure, found himself and was ready for a new exciting adventure. Chester will always be a big part of me and I still keep in touch with old friends from Uni and still go out with my old work mates and that will always continue.

I signed off my job in a big way, presenting at the International Conference of Higher Education in Amsterdam. What a way to end the Chester story! Amsterdam is worthy of its own blog for the stuff that went on but such an awesome place and experience. All expenses paid trip to Amsterdam is one way to sign off! I loved it so much that me and Emma are going back next March. I cannot wait!

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Can’t wait to go back

I had a few weeks off over summer before starting my PhD in September and it was my first proper break for two years. It was amazing to wake up without an alarm, no four hour commute each day, cycle when I wanted to, plenty of walks and photography. The odd glimmer of romance faded as quickly as my Costa club cards could amass and as usual the fishing line was cast and while some catch a big fish, some catch a boot, I caught thin air! From that Amsterdam conference I was offered the position of Co-editor on a new International Journal of Students as Partners. That’s a really interesting and challenging volunteer work I do. To be an editor at my age and stage in my career is unheard of. It was too good an opportunity to pass up. That keeps me busy!  Ah, such a happy and relaxing time. By time it came to start the PhD, I was fully relaxed, recharged and motivated.

I wouldn’t say I had cold feet but I was very apprehensive in the week running up to my first day. The size of what I was about to take on suddenly became very, very real. Also complete shock that I was actually going to be paid for once to do my own research on a really interesting topic and not for someone else! It almost felt like I was expecting an email one day to say waheeey, this is all one big sick joke. Thankfully it is real! I was nervous about the challenge. I had no doubt in my ability to do a PhD, this is a person who has far too much misplaced self confidence/ arrogance in himself to let that bother me. It was more the getting to know a new unfamiliar place, putting your mark down there and building a foundation to work from. It was the people I’d meet to. Would they like me? Would I like them? I’d just left a tight knit family of work colleagues. Would I find that bond again? I’m here for at least three years. The first step on this three year journey was about to begin and I really was stepping into the unknown.

“It’s only been a short few months but already it feels like a family”

The first month was a really weird one. I’d gone from spending every day around people, staff, students, noise to sitting in an office alone. I started on the 1st of September and the new PhD students weren’t starting till the end of the month. I’d leave my house and wouldn’t utter a single word until I arrived back home 7 hours later. They say PhD’s are one of the loneliest things you can ever do, I just didn’t think they meant that literal. On the plus side because I had worked as a Research Assistant doing anything and everything in the department that I was so used to working at a fast and efficient pace. The word count rocketed up, especially with no distractions from an empty office. My supervisors were blown away with how much work I had done, I think its normal because that’s what I was paid to do in Chester! It was only in October and November that this new office, this new life path felt like home and felt like I was in the right place, doing the right thing. Those of you who know me well, will know that as much as I am self centred and egotistical narcissist, I love to surround myself with a core group of good, honest and different people. I work best in a good working machine. I like to think of my inner circle of most trusted friends are testament to that statement.

This brings me onto the new team. You also know I often joke that my life is a TV series on a parallel universe with the random things that happen to me. Like all good series you’ll have your favourite characters. If my life was a series then the Chester series had just finished, we’d have the summer break and now the LJMU chapter of my life was about to begin. People started to fill up the office, we started to get to know each other and while that process is still on going and will continue to develop, it already feels like home. If an audience was watching and was gutted that the old characters of Chester where no longer season regulars, they’d be more than happy with these guys! It’s only been a short few months but already it feels like a family. As much as friends and family take an interest in your PhD, they honestly haven’t got a bloody clue what you go through. Trying to explain why completing an RD9R form is worse than standing on multiple upturned plugs to them, you just get a “its only a form” or a “oh right” as they think you’re a drama queen. Say RD9R to a EHC LJMU PhD student and it might promote rage or tears or both. These guys are all starting at the same time as me, we’re all aboard HMS Wingit sailing through the choppy seas of the PhD Ocean. They’re there for you with advice any day and hour of the week. We’re all in this together and they just get it. They’re a cracking bunch of people and I look forward to the years ahead with them.

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“Wisdom leads to the stars” A logo i made for our new office. Team EHC.

So, there we have it, a busy few months and certainly big changes have occurred but all for the better. I’ve already started to achieve here, I’ve done so much work already that I’ve been fast tracked to the PhD direct route, which means I can finish in two years if I wanted, rather than the required minimum of three years. Meaning I get to skip the MpHil and transfer Viva. I’ve also passed my 3I’s programme which means I’m now an Associate Fellow of the Higher Education Academy. I always feel like I should own a cloak or something with that title, or a monocle. It means I get to add AFHEA after my name now.  I get to buy my drone next year, I’ll be a fully qualified UAV pilot by this time next year and the exciting data collection part of my PhD will begin. It’s going to be another challenging year for sure but hopefully another rewarding one. I finished the other day for Christmas, so I’m going to sit back for a few weeks, recharge and get some time to catch up with my blogs. I’ll try my hardest to keep them regular but PhD, you never know!

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Merry Cliffemas

Until next time.

Toe

My Facebook status’ of the year and what a story it tells of 2015

Every year I do a blog looking back at the previous twelve months and this year will be no exception. I have been very busy despite being off work over the Christmas holidays and so that big full review blog will come within the next few weeks. However, as a stop gap I’ve gone through my facebook to pull out some of the stories from the year. So here are some of my most liked Facebook status of the year and what a story it tells on my 2015!!

January

Falling on people

January started off in typical Tony fashion, by making a complete ass-hat out of myself. Those who follow me on social media will know how much I go on about Merseyrail, be it delays, cancellations or retelling a funny story of something that I’ve seen. Often in life I observe many stories around me however once in a while I become the main character and not by choice! I still have an immense sense of shame reliving this memory and the exchange when I saw this woman many months later was just as awkward as the first encounter! The day got even worse when I knocked coffee over another person. I should never have left the house that day!

A day of being an accidental Ass-hat

A day of being an accidental Ass-hat

A terrible commute home

I’ve been travelling on Merseyrail for many years and i’ve witnessed everything from fights between ex couples, a psychotic man in a Turkey hat mooing at people and i’ve even witnessed a fat woman running away from the ticket inspectors but getting stuck in the aisle between the seats. I’ve seen it all. One thing I never expected nor ever wished to witness was a suicide on the train. This was probably one of the lowest points of the year. If I was in the middle of the carriage it wouldn’t have been as bad, I would have felt disconnected from it all. Sadly I had my back right up to the drivers cab. The noise of her poor scream and the feel of body being obliterated by a train moving at 70mph still haunts me. The moment, the image, the feeling all flood back every time I travel through Capenhurst station. Everytime the train runs through there I physically tense up expecting to feel the ferocious thud. Having to then sit in the pitch black for two hours due to the power being cut and being trapped while you can see bits of body stuff on the windows was far from pleasant. I really appreciated everyones texts and messages trying to keep my mind occupied. It saddens me more that  it was a suicide and he was only 16 years of age. I also felt really sorry for the driver, she had no chance to avoid or brake in time. I really didn’t want to step foot back on a train and it took me two days to pluck up the courage to get back on one, but it life moves on.

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Sad day on the train home

February

Feb not a great deal happened but I did enjoy my mum and her twin, my uncle Mikes 50th birthday meal. Which according to my Facebook I clearly enjoyed all the meat served at a brilliant Brazilian steak house. For Feb however I chose to highlight my first academic conference. By this point I’ was three months into my new job as a research assistant and I was still very much finding my feet. My boss couldn’t make it and sent me along as his research assistant to take notes for him. Like all good academics and certainly as a student I perfected the art of looking like I know what was going on. The following status summed up my very fish out of water conference. My mind was certainly challenged as although this came under my remit of community energy/sustainability research, some of the level of detail made me wish I didn’t have a masters in Sustainability and Business but a Masters in Electrical engineering!

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Fish out of water

A silverlining however was the day after on my way to work to pass over and debrief my Professor on the days events I witnessed a real highlight on 2015. It deserves to be on an endless repeating cycle!

Feb2

Have you had a slip, trip or fall at work?

March

By time I got to March I already thought i’d have enough stories to last a year. How wrong was I! This story still has me in tears laughing because I still cannot believe it happened to me! I mean who the hell gets run over by a mobility scooter!? That’s right me, I do. It was the look in her eye of complete disregard for anything but her Bingo! Her lack of remorse for her hit and run felt like I was in a weird GTA game. Crazy bitch! I was in my own little world too until that was shattered along with my right leg!

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A OAP hit and run

March continued when I graduated with my MSc in Sustainability for Community and Business and it was great to spend the day with my fellow classmates, my family and Chloe. It was touch and go as to whether I could afford to do the masters but family chipped in, believed in me and their continued support throughout and from my friends, made finishing with a merit a real honour. As proud as I was of myself, I was more proud for them as their investment in me paid off and they never stopped believing in me,even when I didn’t believe in myself. After a night I went home to continue the celebrations in the most Tony way like possible.

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Master of Science

April

April was quite a quiet month but for the 6th year running i’ve won the Grand National! Still amazed when I won at 100/1 a few years ago but I won again in 2015. My avgeek roots never let me down! All the more weird was seeing a horseshoe in the bottom of my cup an hour before the race!

April

Avgeek horse for the win

May

May was my Birthday, the three queens event, EUROVISION!!!! and sadly the general elections. Real shame the Tories didn’t get a Eurovision nill points. It was warm but not hot and my yearly rant about people with tops off came out again and a weird dream. Oh and a very very rare thing of me breaking a social norm but as I suspected the UK will go to shit with Tory rule (for which I was correct) I exercised my right to protest and commit anarchy in the most mundane Tony like way. THUG LIFE. Yes that is sarcasm. Yes I did feel guilty and found it hard to sleep that night…

May1

No more cheese before bedtime

May2

Suns out guns out

June

June was a really hot month for us in the UK and it felt uncomfortable for everyone. After a long hot sweaty day the last thing I needed was a two hour delay on my commute home. After holding back endless abusive tweets and status updates their announcements made me angry. When I get angry I get sarcastic, but seriously if brooms actually flew that’d be so much easier!

June

Alternative transport with a side order of truth

July

I spent most of July in work, at airshows, cycling and enjoying life. Even when my hands blew up to triple the size after clearing nettles by hand from a welsh river for eight hours (don’t ask, long story. Just another day in the life of a research assistant!). However I finally got my contract renewed for another year and what an exciting opportunity I was given! I tried not to squeal with delight while I got the final confirmation via email while having tea at a harvester. Love my job I really do! 😀

July

Over the moon!

So after relief of being kept on and having my contract renewed I was feeling pretty happy with life. Students had left for the summer and my research was well and truly underway. However like all moments in my life just when you think the world is on your side, it throws you a challenge…one I failed! Miserably.

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Mancard lost.

 

August

I was well into my research in work but it also gave me some down time to write up my own personal research on carbon offsetting of the aviation industry. Like all good researchers we access a lot of information from different sources but for the life of me could I find this one little thing. I turned to the power of social media and it came up with the goods! It turns out an old classmate from high school had written about them for one of her assignments during her masters course, such a life saver. The actual spinny thing is about two sentences in my journal article but it needed to be in there!

Aug

Researching at its best!

of course August carried on with more merseyrail rants. Every day this chav couple would get on the train and argue or just generally be a twat. I was so annoyed with them! So very british I facebooked it and tutted in a disapproval at them without uttering a word…

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MC-UNT

and it continued with what has to be the weirdest conversation i’ve ever heard on the train and trust me there has been a fair few!

Aug3

Errrm yeah…that happened

but I also spoke of the unspoken in August. I was glad to know I wasn’t the only one who did this.

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Henry sucks, it’s his job!

September

Here I am fully established in my job as a lead research assistant writing about research loafs. Goddammit! Loads damn you!

Sep-1

loafs

September marked the fact that I had now been single for three years (I know. With all these stories and poor writing skills you’d think i’d be a good catch right? I mean I am confused as to why i’m still single! Yes sarcasm) and people were reminding me by telling me I was picky. That day I had eight people tell me so I decided to set them straight. I mean seeeeriously you guys i’m not asking for much here 😉

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Perfect woman

Also I continue to mess up in life in both a professional and a social environment…

Sep3

Fake it till you make it

October

October continued where September left off. Making a complete twat of myself…AGAIN! Made it worse I tweeted a few Taylor Swift videos and my love for her…to all staff and students. Yep. Just another day in the life of Tony.

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Why always me!?

If I were a Jedi Yoda would say “Ineptitude is strong with this one”

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Kill me now.

but the best thing I have witnessed all year award goes to this! Seriously if there wasn’t hidden cameras i’ll be amazed because it was comedy sketch show gold! Unbelievable yet amazing! My drink nearly came out of my nose just thinking of It hahaha.

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My moment of 2015

November

The day my personal research came back to haunt me…well I thought it would it actually turned out to be a pleasant experience!

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Cliffe, Tony Cliffe, Licence to fuck up.

It seems this status obviously a lot agreed with!

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Unexpected Item in the bagging area

December

As always failing at life continued into the festive season. My knee is still sore and I still think my jeans are wet.

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Taking it like a man

but thanks for reading this blog looking back at some of my most liked statuses of the year. They certainly outline what a story 2015 was and now often I mess up in this life! I shall leave you with this, I hope you all had a great 2015 and have an even better 2016!
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Let me know what your favourite one from 2015 was in the comments!

 

So Tony, what motivates you to write?

Answering the question of why I blog – An honest delve into the emotions that motivate me to write.

Recently someone messaged me who wanted to get into blogging and asked me what motivates me to write. I sat back and tried to think of a short answer but in truth there really wasn’t one. I write for many reasons, topics vary wildly, tone and style do too, it all depends on the subject of the blog in question at the time. I blog things because it helps me relax and get a lot of emotion out and I think that helps with my writing. I find writing a very relaxing and empowering thing to do. It’s also a scary thing to do putting your work and your opinions out there for all to see. I have a big old creative brain and I’ve always had that ever since I was child, I listen to way too many movie themes and I dream up loads of scenarios in my head or replay things that have happened. I have a photographic memory so I can still taste, feel, smell and see in perfect detail all of my memories and feel all of the emotions. Example if you asked me about one of the many times I broke my leg a sharp pain makes me wince as it shoots up in shin bone. I can still taste the garlic of the anaesthetic and the feel of it running through my body when I had my operation to remove my tumour from my shin. Eugh shudders. I find the process of describing all that imagery and feelings onto paper so you can see and feel what I feel, a challenge. When you really enjoy it or you get many positive comments or views from a blog it feels very rewarding.

I very rarely go to people for advice, I often find a session on the bike to clear my head or a logical sit down with myself to thrash out all the scenario’s always solves most things. You know it works well because when you all come to me with your problems, you know how stoic and logical and rational I am when I offer you advice. I differ no differently with myself. The only difference is (not to blow my own trumpet) I offer you lot good, sound advice, but never any good advice to myself. It does actually make me laugh at how emotion informs my writing yet very rarely my decisions! (Note to self I am trying to be less of a robot!).

Luckily due to my stoic personality which is a big plus point for many things, one thing is that my emotions very rarely differ from the centre.I’m never too happy nor too sad. I like it that way because despite my exterior and Facebook status being mundane and enjoying the simple things in life, behind that persona is a very passionate person. Yes I know you have just spat your drink out at the sentence but it is true! I have a brilliant control over my emotions which I feel is one thing I am known for. However boring that sounds or comes across in real life, i find it good because I know myself inside and out. It’s a known quantity. I analyse everything like a super computer and that’s got me very far in life. Knowing your emotional state and having a firm grasp on your emotions is a skill set I’ve homed over the years. Emotions can cloud your judgement when logic and reason offer a much clearer view. Trust me it takes a lot of control when you loved your best friend for many years, to keep that hidden and offer objective relationship advice when she asked, despite it always being detrimental to myself. I had many years to compartmentalise things growing up!  However the only times I do differ from the centre is when I’m in love or so angry that when I killed you off in my latest novel, I really wish it was real…I’m just kidding…or am i? 😉

If you’ve ever been loved by me or you’ve been on the end of my quite fierce anger (I am a typical Taurus, it takes an awful lot to get me angry but  you really don’t want to wake the bull by pushing too far!), you’ll see how deep my emotions run. If you’re one of the lucky few that I’ve ever loved, you’ll see how that usual boring Tony is actually a little crazy and that I would do absolutely anything for you. I’m quite a selfish person, let’s be honest. I like doing a lot of things for myself yet when I love you, it’s all about you and only you. That passion is important for the bedroom too. I can’t lay claim to sleeping with many women but I never got any complaints. One thing many guys forget is it’s a two way street and the more you devote to your partner in the bedroom the more rewards you receive. Yes, yes I know that’s not a statistically viable sample size of one…

That’s one reason I’m actually scared to get into a new relationship because when I’m in love I can’t control that emotion. I literally love you with all of my heart and there is no controlling or keeping a lid on that. That’s why I take ages to make sure you’re the one before I commit because I want to know my effort and giving you my heart won’t be wasted. I am terrified to be hurt again and that sadly is the truth…

What I’m trying to say here is before I do go on a tangent about being single and before I go into too much detail about my antics in the bedroom, for which I actually have some very romantic, passionate stories if I were to recall them and well some quite frankly horrendous stories worthy of a comedy film not a porno too. I mean the night I lost my virginity is a blog in itself which will never see the light of day because I don’t think I can see passed the tears of laughter at how embarrassing it was. I can still see those eyes of disappointment from her. Emotions certainly ran high that night but passion was replaced by shear nerves ha-ha. Oh dear lord. Move on Tony!

What I’m trying to say is when I write, despite being in the centre of the feelings scale, I tap into those vibrant emotions that run deep and that helps in my writing and informs it. When I can’t go out on a ride blogs become that release valve. It’s no surprise that my most viewed blog posts have been about relationships or love or in the case of the Merseyrail blog post that has been viewed 34,000 times in 94 different countries, anger! Well sarcasm too! They’re some of my favourite blogs to reread because it really is all my emotion put into them. Often people say they read my blogs, those emotionally driven blogs anyway in my voice which I do find funny. Oddly they’re always my best written pieces too!

Although emotions help me to write I’m not always driven by the blogs of anger or most of the time love and emotions. I also blog when I feel information is worth reading about, such as my latest trip to Ireland. More so the plight of rural Ireland and my feelings of witnessing modern day life slowly creeping into part of the world it was yet to lay its greasy fingers on but also showing you the beauty and kindness of the people I met there. I always enjoy giving you glimpses into my life. Those blogs about friends and family are very personal to me so I love sharing them with you all. More often than not however it’s because something has happened in my life that needs to be shared and it’s often hilarious and at my expense! Those who follow me on Facebook and Twitter will see the absolutely crazy things that happen to me on my way to work or just in general life. I mean if I have to suffer all of that randomness I’m sure as hell gonna’ share it all! Ah I’m still laughing and cringing at the same time at some of the stuff that’s happened over the years.

I also blog as a way of a public diary. I often read back blogs to remember things but more so to look back and reflect on things and I can see exactly my thought processes and emotions at that time. It’s effectively a photograph of words, capturing a moment in time. I don’t know if you find it fascinating but I certainly do. I do hope you do enjoy the highs on lows of my life and what it’s like to be inside of my brain and see the world through my eyes! Someone the other day said “I know that bit in your blog was aimed at me” and they’re correct. Some people appreciate that, other throw a hissy fit and ask for it to be taken down. Truth hurts sadly sometimes! Some blogs within all the emotion and creative writing have a purpose. Subtle or in some cases not so subtle hints to people. They’ll either be hidden messages, unspoken apologies, and the ever so subtle as a sledge hammer fuck you bitch. Or just simply me playing things out in my head of what I wish would happen without ever alluding it to you in person due to many reasons. Blogs are complex and fun just like everyone’s life is. The beauty about those types of blogs are they may be directed at someone but they could really be anyone but if the shoe fits, lace that bitch up and wear it!

I make a lot of mistakes in life and I learn a lot of lessons from them. I certainly have been in many situations to blog about! When you’re so completely sure of yourself you don’t mind being 100% honest in your blogs. Sure I do take a risk to be so open with the things I do say on my blogs but that’s me. What you see is exactly what you get. So when I’m going through a terrible patch I don’t mind telling you all when I’m defeated, angry or depressed because when I’m at my best I like to share the good times too. Above all of that I know there are many people who have different personas in real life and social media. I’ve gotten to know many people over the years and broken down many walls and seen the real person behind all the walls that some people will never see of that person. They’re scared to let those walls down. What you read on my blogs is pretty much me in person.

So to answer the question why do I blog? One main reason is those mistakes I make, those things that I see happening, those things that need to be said, those lessons I’ve learnt. They’re all situations, lessons, feelings you may be facing and I’m just a normal guy trying to write down how I bumble through this life. If my advice or my situation aligns to yours and you can take something away from it, even If it’s just a laugh, good. If you went through a breakup and felt as bad as I did and feel lost. Brill, you’re not alone, you’ll get through it like I did. If you’re on a train while a psycho dressed a turkey eyes you up on the train, you’ll be fine because you’ve seen me deal with it! If you’ve been inspired to visit the places I’ve visited because you’ve read my blogs of that place, even better! If my blogs about family and friends has made you pause for a second to appreciate your own then awesome. If you’re a hopeless single 23 year old who has no clue after being single for a few years, while everyone you know is getting married, having kids, buying houses, have their life planned out and you’re just well me. I hope you don’t feel alone. I hope these blogs bring you comfort, education and most importantly I really do hope they make you laugh!

So to answer the question of why I blog. It’s because of you my readers and it’s also for my own sanity. Always blog from the heart! They say the best writers write about what they know. I know my own life and how utterly clueless I am in this big world! So always write from the heart because the heart never lies.

Until next time!

Toe.